GOD Wants Me to Do WHAT????
It's amazing how fast life passes by. The past few months have been some of the busiest in my life and the devil is trying everything to keep me from sharing this story. I know that GOD will be glorified in it, so I'm taking every measure possible to make sure I blog regularly until this story is told and then we'll see where HE takes me from there. So I do apologize for those of you who have been waiting so very long. Now onto the rest of the story...
GOD had already shown me without at doubt that Earl was the man I was going to marry but what HE asked me to do next was pretty much unfathomable. HE asked me to tell Earl I had feelings for him. Social suicide for a girl who is quite sure the guy doesn't reciprocate her feelings.
I remember thinking, "This is nuts! Why do you want me to do this?" But when you feel that way, just know that GOD has a purpose. It took several years for me to understand why HE was asking this of me, but you see, if I hadn't done this, people would no doubt try to explain away a miracle of GOD, however, they can't now. It's really and truly impossible to doubt that GOD wrote my love story. Here's how it happened.
We were all hanging out at Earl's house, as usual, and he asked me to run him down the street to buy a Coke. When we got in the car, I remember feeling a sense of urgency that this was the moment that I was supposed to answer that nudging from the Holy Spirit to express my feelings. When we pulled back into the driveway, I turned the car off and said, "I have something I need to talk to you about." Earl looked at me and said, "Okay, go for it."
I know he was beyond unprepared for what came out of my mouth. Now I did not tell him that I knew I was going to marry him. GOD didn't ask me for that. He asked me to express my feelings. So I began to explain to him that over the past few months I had developed feelings for him and I didn't know how to deal with it or what to do with them.
Here's another disclaimer *** before I tell you what his response was, don't label him as a jerk or bad guy. He was completely and utterly honest with me from the very beginning and I never expected anything more than what he said to me. As I said earlier, it took a few years to know GOD's purpose, which by the end of this entry you'll have insight that I, nor Earl had.***
Earl looked at me with compassion in his eyes and, said, "Rock, I'm flattered, really I am, but I don't feel that way about you. I only have Christian sisterly love toward you and you need to pray and ask GOD to take your feelings away because I don't and can't see you in that way. I'm just not attracted to you."
Sure I expected that type of response and despite knowing GOD wanted me to do that, it still hurt. I looked at him and said, "Okay. Please don't let what I've said change our friendship." He said, "It won't." We got of the car and went in and it was as if it had never happened, not just that night, but for the duration of our friendship.
You see, attraction is a funny thing. It's mostly physical at first and it's either there or it's not there. And I'd argue it's much easier for someone to become unattractive than it is for them to become attractive, especially from a man's perspective. They really are much more sight driven than women and while telling Earl I had feelings for him, may have seemed like a stupid thing to do, it was GOD showing HE is always in control. I've asked Earl many times what changed and how he became attracted to me and he says it was like scales fell off his eyes and he saw me for the first time and there's just no other way to explain it. GOD joys in doing just that, the unexplainable. HIS ways are NOT our ways, but really would you have it any other way? Look at what a mess we make of the simplest of tasks. So when you feel GOD asking you to do something stupid (or so you think) remember HE is in control and HE has a plan.
GOD had already shown me without at doubt that Earl was the man I was going to marry but what HE asked me to do next was pretty much unfathomable. HE asked me to tell Earl I had feelings for him. Social suicide for a girl who is quite sure the guy doesn't reciprocate her feelings.
I remember thinking, "This is nuts! Why do you want me to do this?" But when you feel that way, just know that GOD has a purpose. It took several years for me to understand why HE was asking this of me, but you see, if I hadn't done this, people would no doubt try to explain away a miracle of GOD, however, they can't now. It's really and truly impossible to doubt that GOD wrote my love story. Here's how it happened.
We were all hanging out at Earl's house, as usual, and he asked me to run him down the street to buy a Coke. When we got in the car, I remember feeling a sense of urgency that this was the moment that I was supposed to answer that nudging from the Holy Spirit to express my feelings. When we pulled back into the driveway, I turned the car off and said, "I have something I need to talk to you about." Earl looked at me and said, "Okay, go for it."
I know he was beyond unprepared for what came out of my mouth. Now I did not tell him that I knew I was going to marry him. GOD didn't ask me for that. He asked me to express my feelings. So I began to explain to him that over the past few months I had developed feelings for him and I didn't know how to deal with it or what to do with them.
Here's another disclaimer *** before I tell you what his response was, don't label him as a jerk or bad guy. He was completely and utterly honest with me from the very beginning and I never expected anything more than what he said to me. As I said earlier, it took a few years to know GOD's purpose, which by the end of this entry you'll have insight that I, nor Earl had.***
Earl looked at me with compassion in his eyes and, said, "Rock, I'm flattered, really I am, but I don't feel that way about you. I only have Christian sisterly love toward you and you need to pray and ask GOD to take your feelings away because I don't and can't see you in that way. I'm just not attracted to you."
Sure I expected that type of response and despite knowing GOD wanted me to do that, it still hurt. I looked at him and said, "Okay. Please don't let what I've said change our friendship." He said, "It won't." We got of the car and went in and it was as if it had never happened, not just that night, but for the duration of our friendship.
You see, attraction is a funny thing. It's mostly physical at first and it's either there or it's not there. And I'd argue it's much easier for someone to become unattractive than it is for them to become attractive, especially from a man's perspective. They really are much more sight driven than women and while telling Earl I had feelings for him, may have seemed like a stupid thing to do, it was GOD showing HE is always in control. I've asked Earl many times what changed and how he became attracted to me and he says it was like scales fell off his eyes and he saw me for the first time and there's just no other way to explain it. GOD joys in doing just that, the unexplainable. HIS ways are NOT our ways, but really would you have it any other way? Look at what a mess we make of the simplest of tasks. So when you feel GOD asking you to do something stupid (or so you think) remember HE is in control and HE has a plan.
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