Rewards
While this is an older post, with the current election cycle, I felt the need to share once again. We now have six children and despite the ruckus pro-life supporters make, I can't help but wonder why we still get such rude comments and stares. Are we done at six? Maybe. Maybe not. However, I can tell you that I, or I should say we are 100% pro-life. Hope this helps you to truly examine your stance.
Recently my husband and I found out we were expecting our fourth child. It came as a bit of shock, since our youngest wasn't a year yet. We hadn't planned it; discussed it yes, but planned it no. Since becoming pregnant this last time, I've found the reaction a little perplexing. We've heard everything...
"Don't you know what causes that?"
"Are you crazy?"
"How can you afford that?"
While I'm sure many say that in jest, some really think we are crazy and some are perhaps worried we are mooching off their tax dollars; both of these assumptions are false. The reason these reactions have been so bothersome to me is because so many of those we are sharing the news with are Christians that would undoubtedly say they are pro-life. So that got me to thinking...are you really pro-life when good godly couples continue to have children and you question their sanity or their means to support their family? Or are you just anti-abortion?
My husband and I began discussing this and thought about the reactions you hear with pregnancy:
The first undoubtedly brings joy and everyone says, "Oh you two will make such wonderful parents!"
With the second, "Now you're family is complete! Just a perfect little family is what you are!"
If you dare to go beyond the norm, you'll hear, "Really? Ok, well, that's nice. You're finished right?"
And for the fourth...well, you already know that answer at this point. So why does this bother me so much, well, because truly none of these reactions are biblical. If you look at what God has to say about children, how could even think that way?
Psalm 127:3-5 "Lo, children are an heritage of the the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are the children of thy youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." (KJV)
God says this is my inheritance! I'm only here once and I'm going to take everything He gives me and soak it up. I'm not crazy, I'm just blessed. We each have rewards and blessings and none of them are the same. I'm not going to grumble and complain and wonder how I'll feed these children, because my God shall supply ALL my needs according to His riches in glory (Philippians 4:19)! So thank you Jesus for this blessing and thank you for the provision you will make sure my family attains because of your blessings.
While we may not be perfect parents, we are trying our best to make sure these four arrows that You've placed in our quiver (which in the past held 7 or 8) this far will land on target. And I'm not ashamed that we didn't stop at two because we weren't the perfectly complete little family everyone said we were. I'm so grateful we listened to You and not everyone around us. Our children are a declaration of Your blessings on us!
Are we finished? Most likely, but whether we are or aren't...I've learned the difference between pro-life and anti-abortion...what about you?
****DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS MEANT TO BE THOUGHT PROVOKING, NOT FINGER POINTING!!!!! SO DON'T THINK I MEANT YOU, BUT IF YOU DO THINK THAT THEN AT LEAST THINK ABOUT WHY YOU THOUGHT I MEANT YOU!!!****
Recently my husband and I found out we were expecting our fourth child. It came as a bit of shock, since our youngest wasn't a year yet. We hadn't planned it; discussed it yes, but planned it no. Since becoming pregnant this last time, I've found the reaction a little perplexing. We've heard everything...
"Don't you know what causes that?"
"Are you crazy?"
"How can you afford that?"
While I'm sure many say that in jest, some really think we are crazy and some are perhaps worried we are mooching off their tax dollars; both of these assumptions are false. The reason these reactions have been so bothersome to me is because so many of those we are sharing the news with are Christians that would undoubtedly say they are pro-life. So that got me to thinking...are you really pro-life when good godly couples continue to have children and you question their sanity or their means to support their family? Or are you just anti-abortion?
My husband and I began discussing this and thought about the reactions you hear with pregnancy:
The first undoubtedly brings joy and everyone says, "Oh you two will make such wonderful parents!"
With the second, "Now you're family is complete! Just a perfect little family is what you are!"
If you dare to go beyond the norm, you'll hear, "Really? Ok, well, that's nice. You're finished right?"
And for the fourth...well, you already know that answer at this point. So why does this bother me so much, well, because truly none of these reactions are biblical. If you look at what God has to say about children, how could even think that way?
Psalm 127:3-5 "Lo, children are an heritage of the the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are the children of thy youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." (KJV)
God says this is my inheritance! I'm only here once and I'm going to take everything He gives me and soak it up. I'm not crazy, I'm just blessed. We each have rewards and blessings and none of them are the same. I'm not going to grumble and complain and wonder how I'll feed these children, because my God shall supply ALL my needs according to His riches in glory (Philippians 4:19)! So thank you Jesus for this blessing and thank you for the provision you will make sure my family attains because of your blessings.
While we may not be perfect parents, we are trying our best to make sure these four arrows that You've placed in our quiver (which in the past held 7 or 8) this far will land on target. And I'm not ashamed that we didn't stop at two because we weren't the perfectly complete little family everyone said we were. I'm so grateful we listened to You and not everyone around us. Our children are a declaration of Your blessings on us!
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| Can't wait to be blessed with you #4! |
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| My 3 amigos! |
****DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS MEANT TO BE THOUGHT PROVOKING, NOT FINGER POINTING!!!!! SO DON'T THINK I MEANT YOU, BUT IF YOU DO THINK THAT THEN AT LEAST THINK ABOUT WHY YOU THOUGHT I MEANT YOU!!!****
The reaction I always get is, "you got your hands full!" It really used to bother me. Now, I always respond with a smile, "full of blessings!!" It almost always stops any further negative comments. So far, I have not received the really unthoughtful or crude comments. Now that we are expecting our fifth girl, the comments have taken a different turn. I don't want people to think five girls is a bad thing or a lesser blessing because we never got a boy. I know God gave us five girls for a very specific reason, because God doesn't make mistakes. We know five girls are a blessing, but how to communicate that has been an interesting challenge.
ReplyDeleteI praise The Lord four your fourth little blessing! Great post!
Your girls are a blessing Tara!! You are so right, God doesn't make mistakes and I am looking forward to this next blessing with great anticipation!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I helped you learn something Aunt Sandy. :)
ReplyDeleteYou did an amazing job with this post, and I felt I needed to comment on it. :)
ReplyDeleteGrowing up the eldest of eight kids, I know exactly what you are referring to. We grew up in a Catholic Church and even there we would get reactions to the size of my parents' brood. When there was six of us, neighbors called us the Brady Bunch, when the seventh was added, we became the VonTrapps, and with the eight, people- friends, neighbors, family, would joke "Eight's enough.." Instead of meeting each child with joy, my parents were met with anger from family, and friends. We were at times not included in family functions or outings. But us kids always had love, and our house was the noisy one on the block where the neighborhood kids convened, there was always something going on, and never a dull moment.
Now unfortunately I was not blessed with my mother's fertile genes. Far from it. And now we experience the flip side to the coin. That we aren't a family til we have kids. We are trying believe me we are. Everything and anything we can so that we too can be blessed. Friends and family look at us in pity, as if our status as a couple as a family is in jeopardy because we aren't able to have kids, that because my ovaries do not work, that makes me less of a woman. Believe me we do not need the pity or the thoughts like that, we think them ourselves. I have been at a family function where someone asks how the treatments are going, and when I respond "We are still trying." They give me a half smile, and turn and walk away, and ignore me the rest of the time. Like because I do not have a child yet at my age, then I can not be worth their time or in their little club.
Then there are the well meaning, lip servicing friends and family. These are the people who tell you "oh just relax and it will happen." They have some story about their brother's best friend cousin's uncle who was adopting or going through fertility treatment and got pregnant. Or they utter a little white lie, " I'd give anything for you to have a baby." Its spoken out of a good place, but you both know its not true. If they truly would give anything, then why not help with fundraising for expensive adoption fees? If they truly would give anything then why not the ultimate and offer to be a surrogate.
There is a flip side to accepting the Children God gives you, and people are just as mean to those childless couples as they are to those who have maybe a little more then society thinks is right. I cringe every time I hear someone complain about being pregnant again. I cringe when it comes time to do family functions because I know the questions will come up, usually multiple times by different people.
In either case, what makes it anyone's right to judge the amount of kids you have or do not have. Whether it is by your choice, or your body's choice, its in God's plan. In either case instead of the judgements, the comments, or the looks, both situations need plenty of love and encouragement.
Thank you Annie. You are right, and it is just as much a shame that people treat the childless as they treat those with several children. God's plan is always best and we should all realize that to be true and not question so much. I understand the frustration people feel when women keep getting pregnant and don't take care of their children, but those children are no more a mistake than my 4 and your lack of biological children. God created us and He planned our paths before we were even formed. I do pray God blesses you and Greg with a child. I know you would be wonderful parents. You've already proven that a million times over in the foster system, but even if He doesn't, you have poured into the lives of so many children, whereas I only poured into the lives of my 4. Whatever, your lot God is always in control and I love you guys!!
ReplyDeleteUgh. I just wrote a long one and completely lost it when I tried to post it. This was fantastic! You are spot on! My husband and I have tried to participate in these 40 days of life. We've protested a few times in front of the abortion clinic here. And I've never heard anyone explain the difference between anti-abortion and pro-life. It was perfectly said. As the youngest of 10 kids, my parents would agree with everything you said here. You are truly blessed and the Holy Spirit works through you
ReplyDeleteHi! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I genuinely enjoy reading your blog posts. Can you recommend any other Soul Healing blogs that go over the same topics? Thanks a ton!
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